PUPIL: I ain't going.
TEACHER: That is not correct. Listen: I am not going. We are not going. You are not going. They are not going. Now do you understand?
PUPIL: Sure, teacher. Nobody ain't going.
TEACHER: Why should we never use the word “ain't?”
PUPIL: Because it ain't correct.
TEACHER (to the class): Can anyone tell me the imperative of the verb “to go?” (No reply.)
TEACHER: Go, class, go!
CLASS: Thanks! See you tomorrow!
TEACHER: What is an autobiography?
PUPIL: A car's life story.
Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper, didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says “I don't know” and you have put “Me, neither”!
Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
TEACHER: Who gave you that black eye?
PUPIL: No one gave it to me, sir. I had to fight for it.
TEACHER: Define “procrastination.”
PUPIL: May I answer that question tomorrow?
TEACHER: Will you two please stop passing notes!
PUPIL: We're not passing notes. We're playing cards.
